May 21, 2010

My First Cry

Tonight was the first time I have cried about Owen having Down syndrome since he was born. My husband and I had a cookout tonight with family which included my niece who is two weeks younger than Owen. She sits up on her own, Owen can only stand the bumbo for a few minutes before he slumps over in it. She reaches for toys and passes them back and forth in her hands, Owen will hold onto a few select toys if you put it in his hand.
I know that I shouldn't be comparing him to her but I think that it's somewhat natural. I know that Owen will do everything that she is doing, it will just take him longer. I just want him to be the best he can be and I want him to succeed, which I know he will. Am I wrong for thinking what my child would be like if he didn't have Ds? Am I wrong for wishing he could do things now? I feel like I am.

7 comments:

  1. Oh little mama!! I feel your pain. Some days are just really hard. And I have friends that have babies 4 months younger than Curtis and when they blog about something they did I can't read the post. I think about what Curtis would be like withOUT Ds and part of me wishes that he didn't have it because I know how cruel kids can be and I don't want to have my baby go through that. But then again he just wouldn't be the same adorable, sweet, sassy little punk baby that I have come to love so so much. I know we don't know each other but that is one of the blessings about having a diabled child I think. All of these families have such a special bond because we've all been there. I want you to know that I consider all of my "internet/blogging buddies" as good of friends as the ones I see every day especailly because YOU (unlike my neighbors) know exactly what I'm going through. One of the harder parts for me when I found out about Curtis was how young I was in comparison with other moms who have babies with Ds. So because of your age I feel like I have even more of a bond with you. I know I'm rambling so I'll stop but you're not alone in how you feel and it's fine (I think so anyways) for wishing he could do things now. I get jealous of other babies, petty I know, but just keep reminding myself that I will appreciate him meeting those milestones so much MORE than those other parents BECAUSE they take longer. You're doing great and Owen is doing wonderful!! Hang in there and know that I love you guys!! (not in a creepy way. I promise)

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are not alone in how you feel, and we have all been there. Never think you are wrong for having feelings like that, and never be afraid to share them. All of us who follow each others blogs know how each other feels...we know in a way no one else can...and even though most of us will never meet each other we become friends. My son was born in Nov 2009 and until he came along I didnt know anything about blogs...but honestly following blogs and writing has helped me more than anything else.
    Your son is the cutest little guy...and I agree with what was said above, you WILL appreciate everything Owen learns to do so much more than other parents. Its hard for us Moms not to compare our kids, even to other kids their age with Ds. I use to get sad seeing what other kids Russells age were doing and wonder if I should be "working" with him more...but now I just dont even compare Russell with anyone else. Russell is Russell and I love every bit of him just the way he is :) And he will do things when HE is good and ready and nothing else matters. You must be an amazing person and wonderful woman because Owen chose you to be his Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  3. NOOOO, you are not wrong AT ALL! You had expectations and dreams and they didn't happen quite how you expected. It can be especially hard when there's another kiddo close in age that is doing things your lil' man isn't doing (yet), but he will. We all have those days, sometimes the moments last longer than others. BUT trust that you are the best mama that Owen could have. It won't always be an easy road that you're on, but Owen will give you smiles and kisses that will just make your heart melt. Don't feel bad about feeling bad, it's completely natural and you're allowed to be a little bummed that you're particular dream isn't what you expected.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know the feeling... I'll bet every parent has gone through the same thing a time or two (or more). Owen is still so little and your feelings are still fresh. It gets easier, I promise. There will be a day that you'll just be proud of where he is and not worry about what the "kid next door" is doing. My little guy has a friend who's 3 1/2 months younger and she's talking complete sentences while we're just hoping he'll repeat the single word or syllable we're asking of him. It's OK. He's got such a great personality and makes more people smile than I can count. Hang in there...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I read through comments from some of these amazing people...some of who helped me through my most difficult moments. It is so natural to be feeling the way you feel, but as monica said, it will get easier through time. I still have moments when I drop Colin off at school and I see what some of the younger (much younger) kids are doing that he is not and it's hard...but I can assure you that it doesn't hurt as much as is it did months ago. Hang in there....your little peanut will continue to work hard for you and make you proud! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your little peanut is exactly where he should be. I too experienced those feelings (you actually inspired my latest post). It will never be totally easy for him or US. But, it will make us all stronger. I send you my love and a BIG HUGE FAT GIANT HUG! He's perfect as is!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I totally understand. I posted an entry on our blog a while back and called it the "curse of comparison"

    I think it's natural to compare our children...all moms do. But the important thing to remember is that in 5 years it won't matter when he sat up or held toys or any of that. Those things don't define Owen or our Jack. I try to keep that perspective. Jack is 11 months old and still does not sit unassisted. I used to get so bummed out about it, but I am finally at a good place about it, I think. Hang in there. While other children are perfectly gross and fine motor...Owen is perfecting love. I truly believe that.

    ReplyDelete